CLOSURE
by FictionNeverEnds
Summary: Set at the end of the third book, just after Katniss visit to Snow. I thought some things needed closure and I really wanted Katniss to be nicer with Peeta. So this revisits the events with Coin and the future of Panem, and develops Katniss' relationship with Peeta and others, before and after her return to District 12.
1. Roses

**Chapter 1: Roses**

Out in the hall I find Paylor waiting for me.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" she asks.

There is something in her look, in her tone. Something that tells me she knows very well what I found. That she wanted me to find it.

But I don't know what to make of it, or of what just happened. So I just hold up the flower in answer and somehow manage to walk away. I have barely made 3 steps as she adds "Let's hope you find your voice back soon, the Mockingjay has yet one song to sing".

The fog I have been lost into since the explosion starts to rise, replaced first by incredulity. Then plain horror, as I figure out that the impossible, unbearable suggestion makes sense.

As always, anger brings me clarity, and fuels my broken body as it rouses my brain.

I need to talk to someone about it. Make sure this conclusion I am coming to is not one last scheme from Snow, specially designed to target my shattered mind. To what end? He must know that no matter what I do, it would never result in his liberty or even his survival.

But everyone I could trust is dead.

I could not talk to my mother, not when Prim's death might have been caused by the people who took her in.

Not to Gale, who might have engineered these bombs, and who lately displayed a very low regard for human life, in pursuit of his cause. I remember the mine, in four, how ready he was to seal hundreds of people in this mountain tomb, discarded as war casualties.

I guess Haymitch would take me seriously, but the last time I saw him he was well on his way to passing out.

Anyway, I realize that there is only one person I could talk to. Only one person would really think it through and not assume I'm finally going crazy or discard the unthinkable as necessary evil.

Peeta. My feet are taking me to him before I am even conscious I reached a decision. Haymitch showed me his room once, hoping I would stop by.

I need the old Peeta, with his clever and gentle mind. But is he still there? Back with the team I had glimpses of his old self. And he was trying hard to recover.

I learned that he managed to make his way to the inner city, and was just behind me when the bomb went off. He was not burned, but when he reached the site and guessed I was in this slaughter, he lost it. Only this time he did not go murderous, but catatonic. Since then he is back in the care of his head doctor.

I never visited him. He never visited me. I guess it was my step to take. And it is not lost on me that I am about to take that step just because I need him. I feel a deep pang of guilt, recalling my conversation with Haymitch. He was absolutely right to say that I have let Peeta down. Were our positions reversed, he would have been by my side no matter what.

After that conversation, my feeble attempts at helping Peeta back to his former self were quickly forgotten. Too busy contemplating my own despair. I will never stop failing him.

When I open his door he is sitting on his bed, facing the window. His gaze seems so shallow that I fear he might be in one of his episodes, and take a quick step back toward the hall. The movement startles him, and as he turns I can briefly see joy as he recognizes me, replaced by pain when he understands I am afraid of him.

My heart clenches, and I resolve to convince him of the contrary. So I come and sit next to him, if not as close as I would have once.

"Don't worry, at the moment I am fairly sure you are human" he greets me, trying to appear sarcastic, but only coming out hurt.

I don't even realize it, but for the first time since the explosion, I talk.

"I am sorry I didn't come sooner. But I was…"

"I know. Haymitch told me about Prim. I am so sorry Katniss." He reaches forward as if to take my hand, but stops just short of it.

Thinking of my pain when he is still trying to get out of his inner, torture-induced hell.

This makes me override the wave of grief menacing to choke me at the mention of my sister.

"And I am sorry for your family. I guess I should have told you before, but I handled the whole hijacking situation in the typical Katniss way. Self-centered and destructive."

"Well, I did try to strangle you."

"Let's not pretend. If you have any memory of me, you know I'm just stating the obvious." I cut him, somewhat sharply.

"By the way, how are you? I mean, are your memories sorting out?" I try to get the conversation away from my failures before losing my temper with myself.

"I am making some progress. I seem to process the present normally. But sometimes there are still confusing memories, or fake ones, and I get confused. Nights are bad tough" he says, avoiding my eyes. Probably reminding our nights on the train, when we kept each other's nightmares at bay.

I would like to tell him that from now on I will help him, somehow lift the weight I feel on his shoulder. But I can't. I am no good with words, and I don't want to make another promise I cannot keep.

After a brief embarrassing silence, Peeta notices the rose still in my hand, and attempts to change the mood.

"I now you missed me, but there was no need to bring me flowers", with a ghost of his former teasing smile.

I glance back at it. For one moment, I almost forgot the horrible reason I came to see him.

"I just visited Snow in his greenhouse jail."

"You killed him?" His half-resigned half-worried assumption would have vexed me in other circumstances.

"No. But he told me something. I am sorry, I know I should not bother you, but you are the only one I can talk to."

Hearing the urgency in my voice, he straightens up, and I see him prepare for whatever is coming next.

"I'm listening".

"Snow told me it was Coin who dropped the bomb on the children."

Before he can say how mad it sounds, I rush into more details.

"He told me he was about to surrender, so that the whole thing was unnecessary. Think about it.

The plane was not shot, when the rebels were armed and so closed. They had a complete fleet ready to take down any Capitol hovercraft. But the Capitol did not have any. Or they would have used it sooner. And why would Snow destroy his own human shield only to try and kill a few rebel medics?"

I hesitate a little.

"When he came to my house, before the Victor Tour, we agreed not to lie to each other, and he reminded me of that. I think he could be telling the truth."

Hearing my words, Peeta's face crumbled. Then I see him process it, until he reaches the horror phase.

"This is awful. But Katniss, we must be sure. We cannot go and accuse the new president of mass murder without any evidence."

"Well, I don't think we can find any. If it is true, only a few people know about it. And I don't see Coin or Plutarch discussing it with their Mockingjay pawn any day soon". Again, I can feel anger rising in my chest.

I consider carefully. But I have to tell him the whole thing if I want his opinion. However, I can still keep Gale out of it.

"I only ever heard of this kind of bomb once. In thirteen. People discussing the use of human emotions to create a trap. Here the rebels rushed to help the hurt children, and that's when the second bomb exploded. It was a pity bomb."

He considers it carefully.

"What do you make of Coin? You must have seen her plenty of times when I was… here."

"I never really talked to her. At first I was not very keen on playing her Mockinjay game. She seemed cold. Determined. You have seen how strict thirteen is. They had my prep team chained for stealing bread." I still feel infuriated at this memory.

"She had me sent here hoping I would kill you so I would not put this kind of trick beneath her", he adds in a bitter voice.

And then the old Peeta, survivor of 2 hunger games, is back before me, with his intense blue gaze, organizing our survival.

"We cannot speak about it to anyone else until we figure out how to act upon it without having yet another government planning our death. Promise me you won't do anything harsh."

"I won't until I see a way to end her, and get all of Panem to know why at the same time. Before they can silence me.

But I have to do something. Otherwise we just end up back at the beginning and they all died for nothing."

"Yes. We must do something. We owe them. Not to mention that triggering not only a bloody, but also a useless revolution to see a new and unimproved government slaughter its share of children might be just the thing to definitely break us. "

As true and depressing as it all sounds, I still feel a strange relief when I hear "us".


	2. Last song of the Mockingjay

**Chapter 2: Last song of the Mockingjay**

For the next week, I keep on snooping around the mansion. At this point nobody finds it strange anymore. But now I try and keep my eyes open. As if I could walk on Coin and whoever her accomplices were, gloating about a job well done. It's pointless, and I know it. The truth is I have absolutely no way to confirm what I have started taking as a fact.

Just as I have no idea what to do about it. I toss and turn at night, trying and failing to make a plan. At least it keeps the nightmares away a little longer.

What I need is to find a way to confront Coin in front of witnesses, so that I cannot be disposed of right away. I need people to hear me. Just like when I made those TV spots for the rebels. Or when I got Coin to grant immunity to the victors before all of thirteen. The problem is, Coin never trusted me, and now that she got the power, I have outlived my utility. There is no way she will take the risk to let me have a nice little interview, Ceasar-style. Even if I could find a stage, there is still the little problem of my complete inability to use words. Which means that I must act instead.

I talked once with Peeta since the other day. His door is still guarded by 2 ex-rebels. Dr. Aurelius works everyday with him and one of his colleagues stays close at all time in case he snaps.

It happened twice this week, during his therapy sessions. Those days, and the days after, I was not allowed to see him. When I did see him, we mostly discussed what to do about Coin. And he is as clueless as I am. But at some points he asked me questions, about details of our past since the first reaping and about his life in twelve. He seemed to avoid any difficult issue, tough. I did not stay long. Time with him was exhausting. I think he felt it too. We tiptoed around each other, and it was so strange to have this kind of restraint with him.

It is mid-morning and I am actually considering visiting him again, when Effie comes to my room. She seems less colorful than the last time I saw her, and her voice is definitely less shrilling.

I tell her how glad I am to see her. She hugs me briefly and announces, with a ghost of her pre-war self, that I have a "big big day" ahead. Snow's execution will take place on the evening. I barely have time to register this news when she leaves, as my prep-team enters.

They are all flustered at seeing the extent of my injuries, and once again some tears are shed on their part. But then they get to work.

They wash my hair, apply an unbelievable variety of lotions on it, and cut it. When they are done with it, it falls just above my shoulders, looks almost sleek and the missing chunks are nearly hidden.

Nothing rash can be done to my still recovering skin, so they just let me soak in a bathtub filled with an oily liquid, which soothes the itching and gives it an almost comfortable fell. As they apply a discreet make up on my face, they explain that Effie went through difficult times. First, when I disappeared from the arena during the Quarter Quell, Snow had her roughly questioned, thinking she might have known something. Then she was imprisoned, which probably saved her life seeing that Coin later had everybody linked with the games executed. This information strengthens my resolve to put an end to her, and her methods, which seem no better than her predecessor's.

I still have to figure out how.

When I find myself back in my Mockingjay costume, armed with only one regular arrow, and ushered to the terrace in front of the presidential mansion, I still have no idea what to do.

But I realize that this crowd, pouring from every street, eager to see the death of the man whose reign was settled on cruelty, offers me my one and only chance to really put an end to this era.

The terrace is separated from the square by a few steps. To my right are a handful of officials, including Coin, Plutarch, Paylor and Peeta. I guess they still asked him to play the figure of the revolution. I hold his concerned gaze for one moment. Guards are all over the place.

The cheer is deafening when Snow is brought to the middle of the terrace, and tied to a post, with his hands behind his back. I expect to see fear in his eyes, but he looks at me with an amused smile, and nods. We agreed not to lie to each other. At this instant, I know that he did not lie to me.

I position my bow, take a deep breath, and at the last moment, divert my arrow. It reaches Coin, and she collapses in the middle of her court.

At first there is a stunned silence. I know I should address the crowd quickly, explain everything before I am taken into custody, to be tortured and eventually executed. But once more words fail me, and I just stand there, looking at the hundreds of spectators, without registering any of their shocked faces.

I see the gray guards running towards me. But Paylor steps forwards and orders them to freeze. Only Peeta keeps going, and no one tries to stop him. He seizes my shoulders, looks into my eyes and asks, with a concerned frown "She killed them. Real or not real?"

As I say "real", he just nods, takes me by the hand to the verge of the terrace, and addresses the crowd. I feel immensely relieved. Words are Peeta's weapon.

"This was the last gift of the Mockigjay. President Coin fooled all of us. She was no better than Snow."

He pauses briefly. "We just found out that she was the one who released the parachute bombs on the children." At these words, a unanimous gasp raises from the crowd.

"She used the desperation of the people of Panem. She used the hopes of the rebels who fought for a better life. She tried to use Katniss and me. She tried to use you."

He raises his voice, becomes more forceful. "But we are done being used. You know what we lost. We know what this revolution cost you. It can't be for nothing. Our loved ones have not been sacrificed for a new Capitol to take over and make the same mistakes, with yesterday's oppressed becoming the oppressor. Now is our chance to start over. It can either be the last revolution, and the basis of a new world, or just one more step towards our annihilation."

He stops again for a few seconds, sweeping his eyes on the crowd from right to left.

When he half-shouts his last sentence, he looks so determined and serious he seems ageless.

"Think of what we all lost. Make it count!"

Then he takes a step back, and starts taking me to the mansion. But I am not done. I release his hand and walk to the place where the officials are still standing, looking either terrified or dumbstruck. They carefully step away as I approach and yank my arrow from Coin's chest.

Then I just turn around and loose it at Snow. It seems fitting that they both know the same end. All things considered, they were kindred spirits.

The crowd explodes. There are some cheering, but mostly shouted questions. What now? For some reason, they ask me.

I stay speechless for what seems like an eternity. Paylor comes forwards, and tries to calm the mob. But it won't do. So I take a step. The shouting immediately stops. They are waiting. When nothing comes out of my mouth, one man, close to the steps, asks me loudly. "And now, who can we trust?" My instinctive reaction is to shrug, but then something strikes me. So I nod towards Paylor, and say "I think I trust her".

As I go back to Peeta, and we live the terrace, I can see Paylor facing the crowd. I hear something about new elections, and a request for the people to remain calm. But I don't really care anymore. I have done my part. The last song of the Mockingjay.

Once inside, I reach numbly for the small hidden pocket in my costume. For the pill that can make everything go away. Cinna's gift. But Peeta somehow guesses my move, seizes the pill halfway to my mouth, throws it on the ground and crushes it under his shoe.

Then he grabs my shoulder, so strongly that it hurts. He shakes me and screams. "What do you think you are doing?! You don't leave me now!" Suddenly I am not numb anymore. Just plain angry.

"Why did you do this? My part is done! I killed him! I don't want to keep on living like this! This is no life! You of all people must know! You were begging us for one of those pills not long ago!"

"Yes. And you would not let me take it!" Then his voice gets quieter. "This is what we do. We protect each other." At this point his eyes become clouded, as if he hesitates about something. He just lets me go and rushes away towards his room.


	3. Back home

**Chapter 3: Back "home"**

Since that day I have felt utterly drained. Empty. The fleeting energy I felt after my conversation with Snow ended abruptly when I killed him and Coin. It was just meant to allow me to finish my job. Get revenge. Or justice.

For the following week, I resumed my routine of staring at the wall, alternatively thinking about everything I lost, and trying to block the same memories. I could not go back to wandering around the mansion though, because now people would try to talk to me.

Just because I did something semi-coherent on this terrace, they expected me to be fully functional on a daily basis. At first they even tried to get me to assume some king of public role. But I will not be a puppet anymore. I know I am not fair, because now it is different. In the Capitol, people asked me my opinion about things, or requested me to participate in some of their projects. There was no threatening. But I just couldn't. And anyway I was never interested in politics.

One day Paylor came to find me. She thanked me for taking care of Coin. This visit roused me enough that I actually asked her what she knew. She told me she had been preparing for a revolution for a long time in her district, with a few other people. They were just waiting for the spark – which turned out to be berries. Part of her training involved keeping up to date with Capitol's weapon. When she saw the parachutes bombs, she knew no such thing had ever been heard of in the city. Plus, as I figured, it did not make sense for Snow to use it this way. But she had no proof. That's why she let me enter Snow's room. She told me she was certain I could not have been a part of Coin's plan, not after seeing me with the people at the hospital, back in eight.

I have to say I kind of liked her. She is rough but fair. A real rebel, district raised. And I remember her genuine concern and exhausted face when we visited her district.

As she left, I asked "Can you promise me one thing?"

"Depends. What would that be?"

"No more games."

"This is a promise I am actually glad to make". She smiled.

Gale visited me too.

His uneasiness was obvious as soon as he passed the door.

So was my hostility, because he hastily talked, without allowing me to attack.

"I did not know they would release the bombs. I did not even know they developed them. And I would never have hurt Prim. You must believe me".

He looked so sad I felt my resolve chatter. But I tried not to let it show. He should not get out of it so easily.

"I know you never meant to hurt her. But it does not change the fact that you spend your time trying to develop new kinds of weapons, designing horrors. You really found your calling, didn't you? Soldier?"

"And who are you to judge? You are not so innocent yourself!" I succeeded in angering him. Good.

"It is completely different, and you know it. I did what I had to do to survive the games, like anybody would have. I hated every kill. They still haunt me. And I don't mean to make a career out of it."

As I try to convince him and myself that we are nothing alike, I cannot stop thinking of the woman I shot in her apartment, here in the Capitol, just because she had the misfortune of being in the way. But I was trying to get us all through it. Surely in those circumstance…

"So what now? Are we supposed to forget all those years, and become strangers?"

I shake my head. "I don't know. We will never be strangers after all we shared. I will always care for you. On some level I even guess we will always be friends. But it cannot be the same. We grew apart. I don't know if it is because of what we all went through or if we would have changed anyway."

"Well, I will always care for you too". He paused. "I guess it makes your choice easier."

I winced. "I heard you that night when we were hiding. You told Peeta I would choose the one I could survive with. That was nasty, and wrong."

I paused. "With you I could survive alright. We hunted together for so long I know I can rely on you to have my back, and that we make a lethal team. But only with him I could actually have lived."

I didn't know where those words came from. But as soon as I pronounced them I knew they were true. I would have chosen Peeta. In fact, this would not even have been a choice. But now it is too late. The Capitol took him away from me, damaged us beyond repair. No point lingering on what could have been. Anyway, I never deserved him.

"At least, now I know."

Before he left, he told me Cressida and Pollux survived, and engaged in a tour of all districts, to document their rebuilding and broadcast it on national TV. Apparently, truth makes its way to the screens in the new Panem.

When he left, I had the bittersweet feeling that another page of my life was turned. But it turned naturally, and I did not feel angry at him anymore.

I did not see Peeta. The events on the terrace had taken their toll on him, and for the next week he was isolated with his doctors.

So I left him a note, telling him that I could not stay anymore and wishing him to recover. I did not say that we would meet again. If the head doctors get him better, so that he can leave their care, he deserves to start over. Away from me. Anyway, I don't see how he could ever want to be near me again. The hijacking got him to see me for what I am. When he sorts his memories out, in this new light, he will realize that I ruined his life.

Then I left for twelve. I could not stand the Capitol anymore, people everywhere, watching me, expecting me to do stuff and waiting for me to get better. I did not want to get better. I have no right to.

I came back here, in my Victor house, several weeks ago. I do not keep track of time.

Haymitch came with me. I know he wanted to leave the Capitol as much as I did. But I also guess part of him wanted to keep an eye on me. Not that it is a very watchful eye, considering that I only see him about one day out of two.

My mother, on the other hand, will not be here. She explained that it would be too painful for her, getting back to a place full of memories of Prim, and of my dad. So she went to four, to help start a new hospital. I understand her fear of ghosts, and I prefer knowing that she buries her grief in work than seeing her revert to the way she was after my father died. And I guess it must be painful for her to see me. After all, I am the reason Prim is dead. The reason all of those people are dead.

I think of them all the time. All my casualties, known or unknown. The one I killed personally, in the games or after. The ones I watched – or heard - dying. Rue, Finnick, Boggs, Cinna… The countless strangers who died for this revolution I caused as an accident.

And Prim. Always Prim.

At first, I could not even be in the same room as a burning fire. I saw her burning, felt the memory of the pain on my patched up skin. But then autumn became winter, and my damn survival instinct kicked in. So I started to sit in my chair by the fire. Staring at it like mesmerized. And days passed by. I did not go out. I merely moved from my chair to my bed or to the kitchen when Greasy Sae puts my plate on the table.

She was here when I moved back in, preparing a meal I didn't touch. Since then she came twice a day, to cook for breakfast and dinner. She sometimes comes for lunch too, because she knows I never eat the thing she prepares when she is not there. Not that I eat a lot anyway. I don't know who asked her to do it but I suspect Haymitch. I tried to tell her she did not need to come, but she never listened, and arguing was exhausting. So I let her come. Sometimes she tries to talk a little, but she doesn't seem to mind when I don't answer. Sometimes Haymitch comes for a meal, and they talk together. I do not listen, but anyway I heard that apparently things are going quite well in Panem. I guess it's good, but I cannot manage to care.

I fell hollow. I go through the basic motions, get up, go to bed, eat a little, wash sometimes –not as much as I should, because the sight of my burns still echoes the pain. But I don't do anything. Just think of all I have lost, and wonder why I am still here.

Apart from the thing I heard from Haymitch and Greasy Sae, I have no news of the outside word. I don't pick up the phone or open letters. There is no point.

Every day I wonder how Peeta is doing. But I cannot bring myself to ask. Either he still is in the care of his doctors, not yet himself, if he will ever be. Or he is sufficiently recovered to live again. Both ways, he must hate me. I miss him like one of my dead.

I am sitting in my chair in the leaving room, thinking of the way I snapped at him in thirteen instead of seeing how much he needed help, when there is a knock on the door.

It is a surprising sound, because Geasy Sae and Haymitch are my only visitors, and none knock. But I don't move. I don't want to see anyone.

However, it is early evening, and Sae comes from the kitchen and opens the door.

He comes in, hesitantly, greets Sae with a shy smile and turns to me. I see him flicker at my look. I now realize I must be quite scary.

"Hello Katniss".

"Hello Peeta."

"Can I come in?"

"Sure". It takes all of my willpower to keep my face from betraying the turmoil I feel. I am glad to see he is all right. He looks physically okay, if pale and thin, with heavy circles under his eyes. And those eyes only show a little uncertainty, which can be easily explained by the circumstances.

As we stay staring at each other uncomfortably, Sae proposes that he stays for dinner. He looks at me, and I just shrug. So all three of us settle at the table in an awkward silence.

"Why are you back?"

"Dr. Aurelius said I made as much progress as was to be expected in a confined environment. I retraced most of my memories, even if some still puzzle me, and I can feel when an episode is coming, and control it. He says I should not be a danger anymore."

"But why are you back".

He looks puzzled, then sad. "Katniss, this is my home too. I cannot stay in the Capitol, I have nowhere else to go. And I wanted to see you."


End file.
